The Project Report (An Internal Monologue in Four Parts)
(To the tune of "The Book Report" from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown (original Off-Broadway version).)
Mathematical!Hel
A project report on the Buffistas, the Buffistas, the Buffi-
Analytical!Hel [overlapping]
A project report on the Buffistas, the Buffi-
Fanfic!Hel [overlapping]
A project report on the Buffistas, fi-
Stressed!Hel [overlapping]
A project report on the Buffi-
ALL
-Istas.
Mathematical!Hel
The Buffistas are this stupid group
About this stupid Slayer who kills
Vampires and other nasty demons
[She counts the words so far]
49,983 to go.
Fanfic!Hel
The name of the group about which
This project report is about is
The Buffistas which is about some
Natter.
I analyzed by-
I tokenized the-
It was a-
It reminded me of "SG-1"
And the part where Jack O'Neill jumped from the rock
To Apophis the Goa'uld's back.
And then Carter and everyone swung from the trees
In a sudden surprise attack.
And they captured Apophis and all of his mates
And they carried them back to the base through the gate
And Apophis was grilled by an N.I.D. team
But he wriggled away with his eyes all agleam
And Jaffa rushed in and their staff bolts flew-
The Buffistas do sort of that kind of thing too.
Mathematical!Hel
They have a poster there named Pleiades.
[counts to 24]
Hmm...
Analytical!Hel
In examining a group such as the Buffistas, it is important that
the superficial chracteristics of their deceptively simple natter
should not be allowed to blind the lurker to the more substantial
fabric of their deeper motivations. In this report I plan to discuss the
sociological implications of fandom pressures so
great as to drive the otherwise moral Buffistas to
perform acts of copyright violation which they consciously knew were
against the law. I also hope to explore the personality of Mr.
Machina in his conflicting roles as poster and stompy foot.
The Buffistas are established from the start as benevolent natterers,
and it is only with the increase in social pressure that the seams
in their moral fiber...
Stressed!Hel [overlapping]
If I start writing now
When I'm not really rested
It could upset my thinking
Which is not good at all.
I'll get a fresh start tomorrow
And it's not due till Wednesday
So I'll have all of Tuesday
Unless something should happen.
Why does this always happen,
I should be outside playing
Getting fresh air and sunshine,
I work best under pressure,
And there'll be lots of pressure
If I wait till tomorrow
I should start writing now.
But I if I start writing now
When I'm not really rested
It could upset my thinking
Which is not good at all.
Mathematical!Hel
Another of the posters is Nutty...
[counts to 30]
Hah!
Fanfic!Hel
Down came the staff on his head- smash!
And Daniel fell like a sack full of lead- crash!
Apophis laughed and he left him for dead- hah!
But he was wrong...
Mathematical!Hel
35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40!
Fanfic!Hel
Just then a glider flew in- whing!
It was a sign for the fight to begin- zing!
And then it looked like Apophis would win- ah!
But not for long.
They made a plan.
Like Buffistas.
Who plan a lot
As you can tell
From the natter
Of the Buffistas
Which this report
Is about.
| Stressed!Hel | Mathematical!Hel |
| How do they expect us to | |
| Write a project report | There were Buffistas |
| Of any quality | That were posting |
| In just two days | |
| Such as ita and Jesse | |
| And msbelle and Betsy | |
| How can they | And Katie and Nilly |
| Conspire to | And David and JZ |
| Make life so mis'rable | And Nora and Dana |
| And so effectively | Allyson, Consuela, vw |
| In so many ways | Theodosia, Jon B, and shrift. |
Analytical!Hel
Not to mention the extreme pressure exerted on them by their
deeply rooted rivalry with the Bronze, TWoP, and Whedonesque!
| Stressed!Hel | Fanfic!Hel | Analytical!Hel | Mathematical!Hel |
| If I start | The name of | What drove | The Buffistas |
| Writing now | The group | Are this stupid | |
| When I'm not | About which | An otherwise | Group about this |
| Really rested | This project | Quiet Buffista | Stupid Slayer |
| It could | Report is | Who kills | |
| Upset my | About is | To natter | Vampires |
| Thinking | Oh so | And other | |
| Which is | Nasty | ||
| Not good | Demons. | ||
| At all | |||
| Not good | The Buffistas, | Constantly? | Nasty demons, |
| At all. | The Buffistas! | Constantly! | Nasty demons! |
| Oh. | |||
| All for one | Sociological | 75, 76 | |
| Ev'ry one | Implications | ||
| Does their part | Fandom | ||
| First thing | Pressure | 77,78,79,80 | |
| After dinner | Oh! | 81, | |
| I'll start | Simple? Not! | 82. |
Mathematical!Hel
And they were very, very, very, very, very, very
Chatty on the board.
Fanfic!Hel
The end...
Mathematical!Hel
...49,994, 95. The very, very, very end.
Analytical!Hel
A-men.
Stressed!Hel
A project report on the Buffistas...
