DXMachina (dxmachina) wrote,

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For helvirago

So, Hel has this project due...

The Project Report (An Internal Monologue in Four Parts)
(To the tune of "The Book Report" from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown (original Off-Broadway version).)

A project report on the Buffistas, the Buffistas, the Buffi-

Analytical!Hel [overlapping]
A project report on the Buffistas, the Buffi-

Fanfic!Hel [overlapping]
A project report on the Buffistas, fi-

Stressed!Hel [overlapping]
A project report on the Buffi-


The Buffistas are this stupid group
About this stupid Slayer who kills
Vampires and other nasty demons
[She counts the words so far]
49,983 to go.

The name of the group about which
This project report is about is
The Buffistas which is about some

I analyzed by-
I tokenized the-
It was a-
It reminded me of "SG-1"

And the part where Jack O'Neill jumped from the rock
To Apophis the Goa'uld's back.
And then Carter and everyone swung from the trees
In a sudden surprise attack.
And they captured Apophis and all of his mates
And they carried them back to the base through the gate
And Apophis was grilled by an N.I.D. team
But he wriggled away with his eyes all agleam
And Jaffa rushed in and their staff bolts flew-
The Buffistas do sort of that kind of thing too.

They have a poster there named Pleiades.
[counts to 24]

In examining a group such as the Buffistas, it is important that
the superficial chracteristics of their deceptively simple natter
should not be allowed to blind the lurker to the more substantial
fabric of their deeper motivations. In this report I plan to discuss the
sociological implications of fandom pressures so
great as to drive the otherwise moral Buffistas to
perform acts of copyright violation which they consciously knew were
against the law. I also hope to explore the personality of Mr.
Machina in his conflicting roles as poster and stompy foot.

The Buffistas are established from the start as benevolent natterers,
and it is only with the increase in social pressure that the seams
in their moral fiber...

Stressed!Hel [overlapping]
If I start writing now
When I'm not really rested
It could upset my thinking
Which is not good at all.
I'll get a fresh start tomorrow
And it's not due till Wednesday
So I'll have all of Tuesday
Unless something should happen.
Why does this always happen,
I should be outside playing
Getting fresh air and sunshine,
I work best under pressure,
And there'll be lots of pressure
If I wait till tomorrow
I should start writing now.
But I if I start writing now
When I'm not really rested
It could upset my thinking
Which is not good at all.

Another of the posters is Nutty...
[counts to 30]

Down came the staff on his head- smash!
And Daniel fell like a sack full of lead- crash!
Apophis laughed and he left him for dead- hah!
But he was wrong...

35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40!

Just then a glider flew in- whing!
It was a sign for the fight to begin- zing!
And then it looked like Apophis would win- ah!
But not for long.
They made a plan.
Like Buffistas.
Who plan a lot
As you can tell
From the natter
Of the Buffistas
Which this report
Is about.

How do they expect us to
Write a project reportThere were Buffistas
Of any qualityThat were posting
In just two days
Such as ita and Jesse
And msbelle and Betsy
How can theyAnd Katie and Nilly
Conspire toAnd David and JZ
Make life so mis'rableAnd Nora and Dana
And so effectivelyAllyson, Consuela, vw
In so many waysTheodosia, Jon B, and shrift.

Not to mention the extreme pressure exerted on them by their
deeply rooted rivalry with the Bronze, TWoP, and Whedonesque!

If I startThe name ofWhat droveThe Buffistas
Writing nowThe groupAre this stupid
When I'm notAbout whichAn otherwiseGroup about this
Really restedThis projectQuiet BuffistaStupid Slayer
It couldReport isWho kills
Upset myAbout isTo natterVampires
ThinkingOh soAnd other
Which isNasty
Not goodDemons.
At all
Not goodThe Buffistas,Constantly?Nasty demons,
At all.The Buffistas!Constantly!Nasty demons!
All for oneSociological75, 76
Ev'ry oneImplications
Does their partFandom
First thingPressure77,78,79,80
After dinnerOh!81,
I'll startSimple? Not!82.

And they were very, very, very, very, very, very
Chatty on the board.

The end...

...49,994, 95. The very, very, very end.


A project report on the Buffistas...


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