1. Are you a male or female?
Well I'm not the world's most masculine man,
But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man,
And so is Lola.
2. Describe yourself:
I got hay fever, blocking up my head,
Hay fever, I ought to be in bed,
How can I dance when I can hardly breathe?
Wish I could cure this infernal allergy.
3. How do they feel about you?
I saw my doctor he said man you look sick,
He said I think you better do something quick,
He checked me over and he said I was fit,
What you need is a change, have a shave, find a chic.
Your body functions, but your hair's a disgrace,
You shouldn't let it hang all over your face,
Change your image 'cos you look out of place,
Comb your hair, put on weight, try to look up to date.
4. How do you feel about yourself?
Woke up this morning, what did I see,
A big black cloud hanging over me.
I switched on the radio and nearly dropped dead,
The news was so bad that I fell out of bed.
There was a gas strike, oil strike, lorry strike, bread strike,
Got to be a Superman to survive.
Gas bills, rent bills, tax bills, phone bills,
I'm such a wreck but I'm staying alive
5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend?
(for current obsession)
I didn't think she'd even look at me,
Or bother to glance my way,
But she actually smiled at me and said,
Hi-ya handsome, have a good day.
6. What would you rather be doing?
You keep all your smart modern writers,
Give me William Shakespeare,
You keep all your smart modern painters,
I'll take Rembrandt, Titian, Da Vinci and Gainsborough.
7. Describe where you live?
Now that you've found your paradise,
This is your Kingdom to command,
You can go outside and polish your car,
Or sit by the fire in your Shangri-la,
Here is your reward for working so hard,
Gone are the lavatories in the back yard,
Gone are the days when you dreamed of that car,
You just want to sit in your Shangri-la.
8. Describe how you love
I'll be your Tarzan, you'll be my Jane,
I'll keep you warm, and you'll keep me sane,
We'll sit in the trees and eat bananas all day,
Just like an ape man.
9. Share a few words of wisdom?
Tea in the morning, tea in the evening,
Tea at supper time,
You get tea when it's raining, tea when it's snowing,
Tea when the weather's fine,
You get tea as a mid-day stimulant,
You get tea with your afternoon tea,
For any old ailment or disease,
For Christ sake have a cuppa tea.
All lyrics by Ray Davies (The Kinks).