1. I am fifty years old.
2. I am not happy about that fact.
3. When I was in grade school, our teacher had us figure out how old we would be in 2000 (47).
4. Up until 2000, I never even considered that I would ever be older than 47.
5. I am the oldest of seven children.
6. I was the last of those seven to own a house.
7. That bothered me until I bought mine.
8. My IQ is greater than 140, but I'm not the smartest of my siblings, only the most overeducated.
9. I have no head for personal finances.
10. I am, however, the best athlete of the bunch.
11. Baseball is my favorite sport.
12. I have been a Dodger fan since 1961.
13. Sandy Koufax was my boyhood hero. He still is my hero.
14. But I'm righthanded, so when I pitched, I pretended I was Drysdale.
15. One time I went 10 for 10 in a softball doubleheader, with three home runs.
16. I miss playing softball. Especially the feel of the bat connecting with the ball,
17. My grandmother lived to be 100.
18. I am a "III", my father is a "Jr.".
19. My father was a navigator.
20. I love maps.
21. My sense of direction is usually pretty good.
22. Except in the vicinity of Harvard Square.
23. I still have dreams about my dog, 17 years after he was killed.
24. I still have dreams about my ex-wife, 17 years after I last saw her.
25. I would love to see my dog again.
26. I could care less if I ever see my ex-wife again.
27. I am the kindest man in the world.
28. A few women have taken advantage of that fact.
29. The first woman I ever had sex with dumped me to move in with my best friend.
30. I put my fist through the storm door of his house in anger over this.
31. She dumped him, too, for one of his friends. He's still my friend thirty years later.
32. I've only had two relationships that lasted longer than a year.
33. The first was my marriage.
34. The second was with a woman who was sleeping with married man the entire time we dated.
35. Women think of me as a potential friend, never as a potential lover.
36. Even when I wasn't overweight.
37. Of course, it could be that I'm just clueless, and I've been oblivious to the women who do find me attractive.
38. But I doubt it.
39. The only physical feature of mine that women have ever complimented are my eyes.
40. I am lazy.
41. I procrastinate.
42. When I do focus, though, I can do a lot of work in a short period of time.
43. I have a very good memory.
44. Back in the days when AOL charged by the hour, I won a ton of free connect time by winning on-line trivia competitions.
45. I am very well educated.
46. I went to the same campus for both high school and college.
47. Graduate school was nine of the best years of my life.
48. I only got a masters degree out of it.
49. I love teaching, but without a PhD, I can't get a teaching job in chemistry.
50. I am a very good theoretical chemist.
51. I am not a very good bench chemist (see 40 and 41).
52. I disliked like every single English teacher or professor that I took a class from in both high school and college.
53. To be honest, they didn't think much of me, either.
54. If I ever hear another word about imagery in a novel, it will be too soon.
55. I minored in history in college.
56. I grew up in a town where Washington twice encamped for the winter during the Revolution.
57. We hiked and played soldier in the woods where the Continental Army stayed during those winters.
58. In college and grad school, I drove my mom's old Volkswagen Bus.
59. I loved that car.
60. Some of my best night's ever have been on New Year's Eve.
61. One year, with the streets in our neighborhood thick with ice from a storm, my brothers and I went sledding on the streets until 4 a.m.
62. A year later there was a huge snow storm, and I spent a good part of the night trying to coax the VW Bus up Bloomfield Avenue from Montclair while coming home from a party, but the hill was too steep, and the snow was too deep, and we had to go around the mountain instead of over it. Got home at 8 a.m .
63. This year was pretty good, too.
64. When I was in high school and college, I always assumed that someday I'd coach my son's Little League team.
65. Instead, I coached a women's soccer team for thirteen years.
66. I'd never played soccer before I started hanging out with the team.
67. I love playing soccer.
68. I hate watching soccer.
69. I don't miss coaching soccer.
70. I do miss the camaraderie.
71. My favorite band is the Kinks.
72. My least favorite Kinks album is Preservation, Act II.
73. I hate throwing things away that still could have value.
74. In other words, I am a pack rat.
75. I own a lot of books that I'll probably never get around to reading.
76. I have games that I've never played.
77. I am very much an armchair hobbyist.
78. When I get involved in a hobby, I read everything I can on the subject, and buy all the supplies.
79. Then I lose interest, and move on to another hobby.
80. I have a bunch of projects waiting that I've always wished I had the time to work on.
81. When I do have the time, I fritter it away on other stuff.
82. One thing I miss about being married is the having someone around to share the chores with so that you don't have to do every single frelling thing yourself..
83. That and the occasional sex.
84. I'm not even sure I could be married at this point. I've been living on my own for a long time.
85. What I really need is a traveling companion.
86. If I could pilot one aircraft, I'd want to fly a P-51 Mustang.
87. I'd love to be an astronaut.
88. I've always wanted to write science fiction novels, but I can't develop a plot to save my life.
89. I still have my draft card.
90. My draft lottery number was 329 (out of 366).
91. I voted for Richard Nixon in 1972.
92. I voted for John Anderson in 1980.
93. I became legally able to drink on January 1, 1973, when the drinking age in NJ was lowered from 21 to 18. I was 20. Three days later, my brother turned 18.
94. I never smoked cigarettes.
95. I have smoked cigars, but they just aren't worth it.
96. I've never smoked pot.
97. I've never done illegal drugs.
98. I've lost two friends to leukemia. One was 6, the other was 28.
99. I am only responsible for myself.
100. If I were to die tomorrow, it wouldn't affect the day-to-day life of anyone.